Bond. Not James.

 It's springtime and that means that for many, a new horse is on the horizon. Or maybe you already have a new horse, or just feel that you aren't bonded to the degree you'd envisioned to the one you have had for years. No matter what the scenario, having the relationship you want with your horse is pretty important!

So, how do we accomplish this perfect relationship with your equine? The answer is simple, actually: spend time with him. Literally, go out to the barn, pasture, corral, or wherever he lives and hang out with him. This isn't about working him, or accomplishing a goal. It's about building a friendship based on trust and mutual admiration. The admiration part is hugely beneficial to both of you!

Sounds crazy, huh? But here's the thing: Horses are energy-driven animals. They understand intent and focus on how they feel--safe or not-safe. And if they are in any kind of fear-state, you will have a hard time convincing him to do anything for you or to even just look at you. 

At the bottom of it all, and the quick answer as to how to bond with your horse is to remember that if he feels safe in your presence, he will also feel trust. When in a trusting and quiet state of mind, he is not able to feel fearful and will begin associating you with his own emotional well-being. If you are always a positive emotion inducer for him, he will "like" you and want to be with you in a calm and present manner. This sets the foundation for all that you care to build upon to develop a happy and willing horse.

At first, you'll simply BE with him, not asking for anything, not taking anything, not demanding anything. Just be. Hang out with him as you would with your cat or dog or a friend. This lack of expectation on your part allows him to look at you in a softer, less anticipatory way because he isn't wondering what will happen next or what you'll do to him. He accepts that you are a part of his everyday world where nothing must happen on any given day, but when you want to do something, he'll be engaged and willing, so life is better all the way around. 

If you must Do Something With Him, ​begin with grooming. Brush him and scratch the itchy places he can't reach, especially in the spring when all hairy horses shed. Talk softly or even silently with him and tell hm all the things you like about him​ and focus on his most positive attributes. This feeds the energy needed to stay positive about a horse you aren't sure about or maybe are having doubts about. By focusing on his best qualities, you are ignoring the things about him you don't like or are worried about. All he feels is positivity and no negativity and this one change can be the most crucial in your relationship.

The other really important part about building a relationship with your horse (or anybody) is to listen. With horses, you must teach yourself to listen with your eyes and hear through motion. His movements will tell you all you need or want to know about him and knowing another makes it easier to fit together. 

By motion, I don't mean when his feet move--although that's definitely part of it--I mean the movement of his ears, eyes, lips and nostrils. I mean the height of his tail and the carriage of his head. I mean his facial expressions and his attitude. Are his feet cocked on standing solid? Does his head raise or lower when you approach? Does he leave or come to you when he sees you approaching--and this doesn't mean his body moves, it means his focus changes. 

It is in the silence that you'll learn the most about him and that knowledge will allow you to help him feel safest, happiest and most willing to do what you want every single time.

In recognizing your horse's emotional state, you can then determine how to help him  overcome anything he needs to get past so that he is willing to do what you want. Change his mind and you'll change his feet, but not yet. For now, get him to like you, but also, remember that you need to like him. For most people, it's easy to focus on what's wrong, and a little harder to look for the good. Try it, tell him, feel the difference in both of your attitudes and willingness to work together. Desire is a terrific motivator!​

There are a million games, tips and gadgets out there to help you engage with your horse when you both are ready, so I won't go into them here. Once you feel you and your horse are communicating at liberty, without tasks, chores, goals and "work" being the focus, then it's time to step it up a little. Again, at liberty--meaning he's not got a halter on, you don't have a stick, whip, rope, or any other artificial aid to "tell him what to do"--then you can ask for something small. Maybe it's for him to step aside, or lower his head or to hand you his foot. Whatever it is, you will watch to be sure the compliance, attention and willingness is evident in both of you.

One last thing to talk about it the Ask and the Wait. Before you do anything with your horse, ask yourself if you are up for it emotionally; then, ask with your eyes if he is. Watch his reaction to you and feel for the willingness in him to reach you. Wait for that step to be complete before demanding anything; even if all you want is for him to lower his head and accept his halter.

By working on the quiet, the ask and the wait, you'll find that you will become extremely proficient at reading his mood and energy level without needing to do groundwork or anything else to determine his state of mind and level of excitement. You'll know!

Happy and Safe Trails to all!
~Tanya